Having a bad day? This might help you smile.
Master of inane text posts and inexplicable reblogs. Occasionally nsfw.
My askbox is open 24/7.
And finally, for my own reference: a mysterious link
think about what your dog would say to you if he knew how much you hated yourself
this just changed my life
I like new friends because I can reuse old jokes
Get The Sims 2: Ultimate collection for FREE!!!!
Simply go to “Redeem product code” in Origin and enter: I-LOVE-THE-SIMS
It is for 1 week only, so hurry!
its downloading right now! Is it just the base game or the whole thing?
In case anyone is interested…
i just tried it and it’s legit. ultimate collection is sims 2 + ALL expansions + ALL stuff packs. get it while it’s hot!!
HOLY SHIT IT WORKS
imagine a vampire going “fuck it” and just taking some antihistamines before going to town on a plate of garlic bread
later on it’s wheeled into the ER with like a puffed up face and it just goes “I have been on this earth 10 thousand years but i have not lived until this day”
I find it funny how people refuse to acknowledge mental illness until they need an excuse to protect a white man
4 hours layover in minneapolis, 0.5 hrs of free wifi
so of course i spend that time refreshing tumblr
Things I should be doing: Writing
Things I am doing: Imagining random shit from the story I want to write without actually thinking them through and then forgeting about them.
I am glad I am not the only person who does that.
Thinking youre attractive but having a lot of insecurities is like having a crush on yourself but not knowing if you like yourself back.
follow 4 more soft dwarves
Happy Black History YEAR!
loving how my old history teacher talked about them like a terrorist group
boost me up
Wow okay so for those skimming, there’s a memo up there from THE DIRECTOR OF THE FBI that sets a mission to LIE about the good things the Black Panthers were doing, spread rumors of them being terrorists, and terrorize the communities supporting them.
If you think the Black Panthers were terrorists and you’ve never heard of the community-building, it’s because there was a literal government conspiracy to make you and people 45 years ago think that way.
i’m reblogging again (bolding mine), because people need to fucking know this. especially white americans.
Starring: SRT Viper
(by Chrysler Group)
Source: Flickr / chryslergroup
alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy
so there’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.
the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it’s a valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.
the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights in the second kingdom aren’t as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night.
in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.
the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.
and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides
tumblr has defiled my sense of humor and now I’m on this new tier of humor that no one in real life understands
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